Of Friendship and Relationships...

I will start this post by saying that I know and readily admit that I am not a perfect friend. I know that God is still working on me and growing me and He will be doing so as long as I live in this mortal body. So while I decided to be brave today and share some heart ponderings on friendship that have been rattling around in my mind for awhile, please understand that I do not consider myself above anyone else, or to have arrived in any department of life.

These thoughts may come across as random, and maybe they are, but I decided to put them here together in one post. I'll apologize in advance if that makes your brain do funny things if you're trying to connect the dots and can't seem to in this post! (or any post I write, for that matter! :-)

I have many different friends, and I appreciate them for who they are. They all have strong points and flat spots. I think we all do. The key to being a good friend, I think, most of all is LOVE...

Love does cover a multitude of 'sins'. It doesn't get hung up on the faults and quietly accepts each one as they are, while encouraging them in word and in deed to keep moving forward in Christ. Love is not blind, really but it does choose to look beyond the faults of others and applies oil to creaky hinges and squeaky places so that there is more smoothness and harmony.

I think one thing I really would like to share is that we should be careful not to require of our friends something they cannot give. When demands are placed on us(whether really spoken or through controlling in other ways) to be or do things that we cannot or are not called to do, and we need to say no, I don't think a true friend will challenge that or act offended and hurt about it. If their identity is in the cause they wish you to take up, or the thing they love to do but you don't love to/choose not to do, they will not 'get it' when you decline. They will be hurt. They will be offended. There will be some friction. (Or at least this is the case in my life). What do we do then? I think that my husband has taught me well that 'the least said, the soonest mended' is a good route to take. If they don't get it after an honest explanation, then I personally choose to drop it in search of peace. It doesn't matter if my friends 'get me' always and approve of every decision I make humbly before God. It matters most that I am completely standing on Christ, the solid Rock and have my identity in Him and not in the things I love to do/my work/my friends/anything earthly. I wish everyone know the freedom of this. It is greatly liberating!

When a friend tells you of some project they have been called to do, or some place they feel called to minister in, keep in mind that even if you don't understand it, or it is not what you would want to do, or it disappoints you because you wanted something else for them, they have been following God on it and share in their excitement! If you are a good friend, you will ask questions that will not be controlling questions, but rather truly interested ones. (You may be called to give them counsel, or not, but first be interested and hear the whole story from them before you assume and jump to conclusions and ruin things by your controlling questions/hurt attitude that they are not doing things like you think they should).  Maybe you won't be jumping up and down in excitement like they are, but be genuinely interested and bless them in their endeavors. Keep in mind that by projecting any selfishness onto them because you don't approve of their choice, you are being used as a tool of satan in tearing apart the work God is giving them to do. They will likely let God turn the dart you shot at them into something wonderful and helpful, but wouldn't you rather be a blessing and not a hindrance to them?

Do not demand that your friends love you in your way. Lay down your life for your friends. Do you know why a friend cannot be on the phone very much with you? Or why another friend doesn't eat dairy? Do you know why your friend doesn't travel much? Or why they don't like to text/email but would rather talk in person or on the phone? Do you have a small family and someone else has chosen to have a large family? Can you choose to bless them, even if you might not understand them, or agree with their thinking? Do you know the things that bless each friend the most? Have you taken the time to bless them in those ways? We don't have to agree on things to be friends. Sure, if they are important things, then by all means, understand that close fellowship is not going to happen, but also remember that many things we place on the pedastal of importance are really nothing in God's eyes, or at least not worthy of being given the place to break up friendships over!

Accept that your friends are PEOPLE made of dust, just like you are. Just as you  have limitations, so do they. They are not GOD. They cannot be all to you. There will be places they will 'fail' to meet your expectations. I try hard not to have expectations when it comes to friendships, whether in my marriage or elsewhere. Expectations ruin relationships. Just accept them, and appreciate them for who they are. Blend your lives together. Each of us have limitations, but we are gifted in different areas, so why not blend that together and enjoy friendship!

Speak blessing into your friends' lives. Often. Don't lie and say things that are not true, but truly do find words to bless them with. This world is wicked. It is a hard place to live. It is a cold, dark place. There are many snares and hindrances along the way. But words of blessing are like warm blankets on snowy days. They are like cups of cold water on blistering August afternoons. Words fitly spoken into a situation can dispel the gloom of clouds in a hurry. I don't think we speak words of blessing often enough.

Pray for your friends. Pray more than and before you share with them. Lift them to their Maker, and the One who has their lives planned beyond your finite understanding. You will see amazing things happen. And another thing: if there are ripples, they smooth out in your heart when you pray.

And finally...clear your life of bitterness. When a person is bitter, it is almost impossible to have a truly calm and lovely relationship with them. That bitterness will color her sight and it will grow over the years and become next to impossible to have any meaningful relationship with her because she will either be correcting/disagreeing with you, or hurt by something you said/didn't say. Misunderstanding will become her normal. She will usually not understand you. And it will become frustrating to even try to have a relationship with her. Even the words of blessing that you speak to her will fall on deaf ears if you are not totally agreeing with her or doing exactly as she thinks you ought to be. God may even ask you to part ways with her (quietly and peacefully) if it hinders the work He calls you to do. These things happen. I've seen them happen more than once in life both to myself and to others. It is very sad.

I love my friends. I thank each of my friends for the love and care that you give to me. I appreciate you. You  have been used of God to bless me with counsel, encouragement, gifts of kindness, and prayer. I am so deeply blessed and have learned from you all how to be a friend, and how true 'family' in Christ works...and it is beautiful. THANK YOU

Love and blessing,
Marcia

PS
The real-life situations I gave in this post are not necessarily all taken from my own experience. They are real, but some of them happened to others, or in different ways to me than I listed here. I do value my friends and acquaintances, so therefore, I do not list here their 'specific' sins. AND some of what I listed is from my own learning, too. I needed and still need to apply the principles of God in friendship as well as anyone else does.