Surrendering My "If Only's"...

My heart has been pondering this phrase ever since I found it a few weeks ago.

I echo an amen, after years of walking through surrendering many "if onlys".

I do not pine.

I choose acceptance of what God surely has 

allowed in my life.

Many of my 'if onlys' are God-designed...

things He has planned for His people,

but because of the choices of others,

they have not been fulfilled in my life.

I have had choices to make over this...

I can become a stubborn, bitter old woman

insisting that I get what I 'need' to be happy.

OR

I can choose isolation, retreating from the world,

and like Heidi's grandfather on the Alps,

spend my days simply enjoying beauty for myself

and holding people at arm's length so that I

don't have to be hurt or wronged again.

When I look at those choices, I firmly say NO.

I cannot imagine what my heart would feel like

if I would choose those ways. I believe it

would be crusted over with years of poisoned thoughts.

Instead, I surrender those 'if onlys',

and I make JESUS my everything.

He is the Answer to it all...

He is the answer when I am grieving

over the brokenness of familial relationships.

He comforts the broken in heart and binds up their wounds.

He is the restorer of my soul, and the lifter of my head.

When churches disappointed, one after the other 

and I would have fainted at the loss,

He has sustained me and showed me His way

to pray, love, and BE His

in spite of broken dreams and crushed hopes.

He is the Shepherd in whose pastures I feed,

and along whose sparkling streams I slack my thirst.

I am never in want. Ever.

And when three friends husband's chose to be 

unfaithful to them in one year's time,

leaving me staggering and hurting for them,

He has given me peace and wisdom, 

compassion and love in reaching out to

bless and support them in their hurt and need.

When forces that seemed out of my control

were influencing my son contrary to what

I spent years pouring into his life,

God gave me what I needed to 

calmly face the situations,

love my enemies, and do what was

needed to protect the innocent.

In the short 40 years I've lived life,

I have had many 'if onlys'.

And you know what?

God has never let me down.

He has taught me to praise in the midst 

of the brokenness...

to love in the midst of strife...

to do His bidding even though others

feel I should do others bidding,

and to keep my faith in Him

even though reason would say

'what's the use?!'

My experience has been

that if you keep calm 

and follow Jesus,

then things unfold for you

at just the right time.

And usually they are better,

but very different from what

I would have expected.

Go ahead. Surrender the 'if onlys'. *

The marriage that didn't work out how you thought it would.

The marriage that has not come at the age you thought it should.

The ministry you are called to do that you feel incapable of.

The ministry you wanted to do that has been given to another.

The location you wanted to live in but God called you elsewhere.

The family business you wanted your family involved in but

He has your husband busy elsewhere.

The family relationships that you wish to have but

walls you didn't make keep separation very real.

The children you hoped God would give you but He hasn't.

The friendships you dreamed of having but God has you

in a lonely place working in a briar-covered vineyard.

Whatever it is, surrender it to God.

He has a way of making beauty to come from ashes.

He knows how to perfect us,

and will use whatever means He must

in order to accomplish His plan.

Love Him and love others.

He takes care of the rest

far better than any of us can!

*The troubles mentioned in this article

are not necessarily all personal to me,

but some of them are. I have been privy

to alot of women's heartaches over the

years and generalized some of them here.